Biblical Principles Of Marriage.

 The rates at which marriages, especially "Christian"
marriages are breaking up, crumbling or
deteriorating around me is alarming.
It appears that one of the common causes for short
term marriages, especially within African homes, can
be traced back to upbringing.
This has made me to reflect on my own personal
upbringing, nobody took the time to explain to me
what marriage is all about, not to even mention
Biblical marriage principles laid down by God.
Marriage was always presented as an inevitable end/
milestone for every child within an African home. The
possibility of you not getting married or worse still
not having a child was low, and if it did occur it was
seen as an abomination. So we all grew up, looking at
marriage and a family as a definite in our future horizons.

Within African homes we all, both boys and girls,
grew up having to live up to the high educational and
professional expectations of our parents. We were
taught that education was the only way (which is not
true) we were taught to learn to ride the waves of
life, regardless of what it throws at you. Giving up did
not exist in our vocabulary.
What to expect in marriage was never discussed. All
we knew about marriage we attained from romance
books, movies and stories that we heard around us.
The price we have to pay for this lack of marital
education is costly (Divorce and abuse). The cost is so
great it is affecting us psychologically, morally,
physically and financially.

I am of the opinion that it is the responsibility of both
parents to fully equip their children for all
eventualities of life, and this definitely includes
marriage: Biblical principles of marriage.
Who is in the best person to teach a female child
about men if not the father? As a man he should be
able to tell her about his own gender and what to
expect from them. The way he treats her mum
teaches her what to expect from a God fearing and
loving husband. Her loving, caring, father should set
a good and realistic standard for her upon which she
can gauge her potential husband on. If she does not
have this then upon what will she measure all the
men that are going to approach her? I strongly
believe that a lot of fathers are failing their
daughters, particularly in regards to preparation for
marriage. This lesson can only be taught effectively if
there is a healthy loving relationship between a
father and his daughter.
The Old Testament contains several accounts of
daughters who were empowered and given their full
inheritance by their fathers, in an age when boys
were preferred over girls, and women had no civil
rights.

The stories of these daughters are recorded in
Scripture so that we, too, can learn and implement
these teachings. These fathers must have had
remarkable relationships with their daughters. It is a
shame that this kind of teachings do not grace our
pulpits. A very distinguished story is that of
Zelophehad's daughters in Numbers 27. Their story
is mentioned five times in the Bible (Num. 26:33;
27:1-7; 36:1-12; 1 Chr. 7:15; Josh. 17:1-6).
I believe the words of J. Lee Brady best describe the
kind of life and relationship these daughters must
have had with their father, Zelophehad – Most
Israelites who traveled through the Sinai desert with
Moses probably knew about the daughters of
Zelophehad. While other women hid inside tents and
covered themselves head to foot with heavy veils,
these girls—Mahlah, Noah, Hoglah, Milcah and Tirzah
—defied the patriarchal system of their day and
earned a special place in Biblical history. They were
pioneers.
At a time when most women in Israel lived like
prisoners in polygamous households, the daughters
of Zelophehad must have spent lots of time outside
their tent. They were curious. They had a zest for life.
And they refused to be confined by the limitations of
their culture.
Why did they think differently from other women of
that era? A theory is that their parents offered these
girls overwhelming validation and encouragement.
Zelophehad, who had no sons, must have decided
after his first daughter was born that he was content
to raise a houseful of women. He recognized their
value. He was generous with his affection and
instilled in his daughters a powerful sense of
personal destiny.
Zelophehad probably showered his daughters with
gifts, held them in his lap after dinner and told them
stories about the exodus from Egypt while he tucked
them into bed. They knew their daddy loved them,
and his affirmation nurtured a sense of
empowerment.

I can imagine these playful girls dancing and singing
next to their father's goat pens as they did their
chores. Their ankle bracelets jingling as they skipped
past the tents in Manasseh's encampment.
Neighbors might have even complained about all the
giggling that came from Zelophehad's household.
They may have shouted to Zelophehad's wife, "Tell
those girls to be quiet!"
But these girls were not easily silenced. They were
God-ordained troublemakers. They would soon make
history.
As the girls blossomed into women, their confidence
grew. They must have started talking among
themselves about the problems with patriarchy,
finally asking the most forbidden questions: "Why
don't the women have any privileges around here?
Why can't women own land? Why can't we get an
inheritance when we cross the Jordan?"
The Bible tells us that after Zelophehad's death, his
daughters went to Moses and made a daring
proposal: "'Why should the name of our father be
withdrawn from among his family because he had no
son? Give us a possession among our father's
brothers'" (Num. 27:4, NASB).
We can't even begin to imagine how bold and
audacious this request was. Women in Israel did not
ask for rights. Yet the daughters of Zelophehad
risked their reputations by approaching the leader of
their nation and asking for something revolutionary.
What is most remarkable is that Moses took their
request seriously and sought God about it. Moses
asked God, and God had a surprising reply: "'The
daughters of Zelophehad are right in their
statements. You shall surely give them a hereditary
possession among their father's brothers and you
shall transfer the inheritance of their father to
them" (Num. 27:7).

In that moment, God contradicted centuries of
prejudice and wrong-headed tradition. He made it
clear that in His kingdom, women are not
after thoughts or appendages. They have equal value
with men and full rights to His benefits.
If Zelophehad had not taught his daughters, they
would not have the guts to take this bold step, an
action that ensured the name of their father was not
cut off from his kinsmen and put his name in the
Scriptures forever. Our daughters are being robbed
and abused because fathers are not stepping up to
their roles in the lives of their daughters.
Fathers take a leaf from Zelophehad, relate with your
daughters, equip and empower them to be all that
God has made them to be. They need you. They need
your love, your approval and your presence at every
stage of their lives.
My dear brothers, your father may not have done this
for your sister(s), but you still have every opportunity
to do so for your born and yet to be born daughter(s).
The Word says in 1 Peter 5:8 "Be alert and of sober
mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a
roaring lion looking for someone to devour", may we
and our children not be devoured in the name of
Jesus Christ, Amen.